Don’t Stone the Drunkard- Ki Tetze and the 90th Anniversary of AA

        Children can be frustrating.  They are a wonder and joy, and, we must admit, also a challenge.  And this is not just a contemporary phenomenon.  Apparently, our Israelite ancestors struggled with unmanageable kids, and, in this week’s Torah portion, they prescribe what seems like a rather harsh solution to the problem of disobedient children. 

        We read in Deuteronomy 21:18-21 that if, after trying to discipline their child parents are unsuccessful, they should bring them to the elders of the city, denounce the child as “stubborn and rebellious, a glutton and a drunk,” and the men of the town should stone the child to death.

        Wow!  Harsh, to say the least!  Is there no alternative to try to steer the young person back onto the right path? 

The rabbis in the Talmud share our dismay at this prescription.  Rabbi Shimon famously says in Sanhedrin 71a:

“There never was and never will be a case of a stubborn and rebellious son. It is written only so you may study and receive reward.”

        As is their way, the rabbis simply interpret the Biblical teaching in such a way as to make it impossible to apply.  They legislate it out of existence. 

        How fortunate we are that 90 years ago Bill W. and Dr. Bob S founded what has come to be known as Alcoholics Anonymous as a way to support recovery and maintain sobriety.  Through regular meetings, sponsorship, and sharing experiences, AA’s goal is to help individuals stop drinking and stay sober one day at a time, as opposed to denouncing them as drunkards and stoning them.  Since those humble beginnings, AA has expanded to 180 countries, and is based on the book by Bill W. known as “The Big Book,” which outlines the 12-steps that are the foundation of recovery.  Definitely a better option than stoning the person!

        The 12-steps are a means of spiritual growth that align with Jewish wisdom.  The first step reads as follows, “We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable.” 

        Denial and rationalization are two of the obstacles we all encounter when we try to change.  With Rosh HaShanah two weeks away, it’s time to look within, deeply and honestly, and evaluate where and how we need to change.

        Step two states, “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”  Dr. Abraham Twerski reminds us that in other areas of our lives we have no problem reaching out for help.  If our plumbing is broken, for example, we call a plumber.  No shame, no embarrassment. We reach out to each other and to the Holy One.  Asking for help is a GOOD thing.

        The third step continues- “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God.”  What I love about this 3d step is that it reflects the fact that we each have our own understanding of God, and that’s okay.

        Step four reads- “We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”  In Jewish tradition we call this “cheshbon ha-nefesh” and it is the quintessential task of this High Holiday period.  The goal is so daunting that I can understand why the fourth step emphasizes a fearless moral inventory.  An inventory does not necessarily imply that we only look at the negative, and it doesn’t, yet, ask us to make changes.

        The fifth step continues the theme of self-examination, “We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”  Why is God mentioned first?  Like a loving parent, we approach God first because we know that the gates of teshuvah are always open, that God knows and forgives our trespasses.       Admitting our wrongdoing to ourselves is even harder.  We can be very unforgiving of ourselves, not to mention the temptation to rationalize.  By admitting our wrongdoing to another person, we alleviate the need to carry our burden alone. 

        The sixth step- “We were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character.”  We knew it was coming.  Even though the fifth step asked us only to look, we intuitively knew that that look would lead to action.   

        Step seven states that “We humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.”  The seventh step is taken in humility, with an awareness and acceptance of our own limitations.  Humility does not imply a lack of awareness of our positive attributes.  It means a healthy and appropriate sense of balance in understanding our strengths and our challenges.

        Step eight reads, “We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.”  I love the way it says “willing” to make amends.  The authors of these steps were insightful students of human nature and knew exactly how hard it can be to make amends for ways we’ve wronged another.  They ask only that we become willing.  Acceptance of responsibility is a hallmark of maturity and basic to our definition of what it means to be an adult

        Step nine moves us into the world of action- “We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”  Each of us must dwell with each situation in its own uniqueness and muster the courage to be truthful. 

        Step ten gives us direction for staying on the path of righteousness- “We continued to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admitted it.”  It reassures us that while we cannot achieve perfection in this lifetime, we can continue to grow.

        Step eleven contains the most overtly religious language- “We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand God, praying only for God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.”  We come to God with a spirit of praise and thanksgiving and open-ness.

        Finally, the 12th step- “Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” 

        How do we know when we’ve succeeded in reversing the habits that were holding us back?  When we are faced with the same temptation, the same choices, and we are able to break the old patterns and find a new self emerging.  What a blessing AA has been to so many over the course of 90 years.  What a blessing our JACS group has been to the Phoenix Jewish community.  And what a blessing is this High Holiday season with its opportunities for teshuvah, for repentance, repair, and return.  May this be for all of us a year of spiritual growth, of honest reflection, and awareness of God in our lives.